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San Diego Therapist Specialties:
Seeking Marriage
Common Concerns of those seeking marriage
• Fear of not finding someone with the desired qualities.
• Age-related fears, not finding someone in time.
• Fear marriage will never happen.
• Fear of having to settle for just anyone to beat the clock.
• Fear that past failures predict future failure.
Many people reach a point in life in which they are eager to find a partner with whom to share their lives. For women who are in childbearing years, this yearning can become strong and sometimes anxious, as the time ticks on. Some people get discouraged with the dating process and wonder if they should give up. The dating scene has appeal to some, and not to others. It can be time-consuming. So what are the alternatives for meeting good people?
Some good ways to meet people of quality are to take classes in subjects in which you have an interest. Joining an organization, church, temple or mosque where one can find people with similar beliefs is also advisable. Seeking a relationship specialist is a wise step for clarifying one's relationship goals and criteria. A relationship specialist can help you navigate some of the important stages of preparing for marriage:
- Having a good relationship with your self
- Having a clear idea of the kind of person you want: the qualities, values, and priorities that are important to you to have in common.
- Contemplating what kinds of differences to which you can be open, to make life more interesting.
- Having clear goals about the kind of relationship you want in your marriage.
- Finding good possible partners who have similar goals
- Going through a “getting to know you” process that is patient and thorough - (Many people can behave wonderfully for a short period of time in privacy with you. If you take more time, you can see if this wonderful person behaves in the same ways with his or her own friends and family and with your friends and family. In other words, what you want to discover is that these wonderful qualities really belong to this person, and are not an act. It sounds harsh to say, but many people are willing to put on an act to “win” you over. Once that is done, they relax and you find out who they really are. Please do not marry someone before you are sure you know who they really are.
- After giving yourself at least a year to get to know someone, you will usually have a good “take” on a person. It is good to also ask your friends and parents for their opinions. Because they are not “under the influence of love” and we all know that “love can be blind” they are very good resources at such times. Make it clear that you are seeking their opinion, and will make your own decision. Then give their feedback some careful soul-searching. Ask yourself: do I see these same qualities? If negative qualities get a little worse over time, can I tolerate it?
Seeking marriage with someone who shares this goal can be an opportunity to create something new together: a relationship with a very good prognosis to last, be satisfying, safe and fun. Please call one of our therapists to get some support in this important treasure-hunt and treasured-relationship-creating process.
Back to Psychotherapy Specialties for San Diego
San Diego therapist, seeking marriage, long-term commitment |
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